The Peter In Me

I feel like Peter sometimes. You know, the guy who said he would never betray Christ but still did?

Now, why do I feel that way?

Well, it is not that I am forced to tell the world I believe in God, but I feel this way because of my relationship with God.

Often times, people think Christianity is like every other religion. You do good, you do not sin, and you go to heaven. Well, truth be told, that is a wrong perception.

Christianity is not a religion but a relationship. You might have heard of this statement before, but you might not fully understand it. To grasps the idea is simple. Just think of God as your friend, father, counsellor and everything you want Him to be. THAT requires a relationship.

I believe I have a pretty good relationship with God. Sure, I mess up sometimes, but that does not change our relationship. Ever since I was a kid (having grown up in a Christian family) I always saw God as a friend. When I was in high school, I saw him as a father. Today, I see him as a counsellor, my muse, my father and best friend.

Given that relationship, I feel bad sometimes choosing not to mention Him. When I face situations where it requires me to say that God is my friend to strangers, I hesitate. It takes a few seconds to question if I should do it or not, even though most of the time I eventually do.

This scenario is similar to going to a party with your best friend and then hesitating to admit that that person is your best friend to a stranger. It’s strange isn’t it? 

I guess the hesitation comes with the fact that many people these days don’t believe in God. Worst still, some judge you just because you do! They call you stupid, narrow-minded, delusional and weak. Nobody likes to be called that. 

Living in a world as such, I have to constantly remind myself that it does not matter what others think of me, but what God thinks of me. After all, He is my truest friend and strangers would remain strangers. 

It is definitely easier said than done, but I'm learning to live with that faith. At the end of the day, this would only make my relationship with God better.

Ticking Off Last Year's Plans

So I wrote a post in August 2012 on my plans. Let's see how many have I accomplished, since it's almost a year now.

1) to send my self published book to publishing houses after I graduate. 
 ☑ I sent, but was rejected. No matter.

2) to do a video when I hit 900 subs on my official writers blog.
☑Now that I'm hitting the 2,000 mark, I might do another video.

3) to go on vacation after I grad and write my second book.
☐ Never went cause I changed my mind.

4) to make enough money and have a website next year.
☑ I don't think I'll be buying a webbie anytime soon. I have the money, but I just don't want to.

5) to make my final film project for my degree a good one, so people can use it to spread awareness.
☑ This is old news. LOL

6) to increase my client base in ghostwriting.
☑I have a good job now. I don't need clients.

7) to graduate on top of the class. 
☑ Yup. I did.

8) to tick each of this off once they are done, so that I will do what I have planned to do.
I guess its a ☑ here too. Number 3 does not really count.

Well, it looks like I've done it all!

Good job, Jeyna!

Crazy Dreams

Apparently your dreams have to scare you. If they don't, then they are too small. I don't quite agree, but for the sake of this post, I will conform for a few minutes.

Based on this quote, the dreams I have now are too small. So, I think I should add more craziness to fatten it up.

Since wanting to be an internationally known author with books being made into movies is not crazy enough to scare me, I thought of a few more things I would like to do before I die.

Here is a list of other crazy dreams I hope to achieve:

#1 Befriend Raymond Lam

I don't want to just meet him, I want to be his friend. This sounds just like every fan out there, but yea. I think he's really cool, and me mentioning him for the third time on this blog says something.

#2 Be a guest on Running Man

I want to feel the adrenaline rush and the fear of being chased. 

I also want to try this thing called 'betrayal' because naturally, I won't do it in real life. 

Plus, the coolest part of being a guest on Running Man is getting to meet the hosts! I mean, come on, who doesn't want to meet them? (Especially HaHa for me.)

#3 Write a song with Adam Young

I blogged about him before and I stated why I think he's so talented and awesome. 

I just want to write an out-of-this-world song with him that will make people attempt at listening to the lyrics instead of just grooving to the beat.

#4 Play a game with Pewdiepie

I'm a casual gamer, and that says it all. I just want one game with him; not horror hopefully, cause I hate horror games. 

Just one happy game with Pewds and I'll be on my jolly gaming way.

So, those are it! All 4 crazy dreams that may or may not come through. 

I personally believe these dreams can only be achieved after I'm internationally known. Working in my current company may get me a little closer to the Asia fame-zone, being that I write a Hello Kitty mag (you know how crazy people can get with Hello Kitty, right?), but it still might not get me on Running Man.

So, I think I'll just have to keep working on my writing. At the same time, I can always plan strange coincidences where I get to achieve these crazy dreams. Who knows? They might work!

A Writer's Dilemma

Here’s a confession.

I’m tired of fan fictions.

I know this would not make my readers happy, as they seem to enjoy them, but it is starting to bore me.

I started writing fan fictions as a way to deal with my PPD (Post Potter Depression). It then slowly became a platform for me to practice my writing. I’ve gotten tons of subscribers because of my fan fictions and it was, and still is, a pulling factor for my blog.

Honestly, it was once very fun to write. I would look forward to my next crazy idea and it didn’t take much brain squeezing. Today, I struggle with writing more than 100 words for each chapter in my current running fan fiction. I feel like I have to force the chapters and at the end of each, I know they are not good.

Forced work.. is horrible work. Fact.

Exactly how I feel when it comes to writing fan fictions. 

Personally, I dont wanna stop the current fan fiction because I’ve already started it. I don’t like doing things half way and I’m the kind of person that tries my best to complete something once I’ve started. I’m not sure how I would be able to complete this fan fiction, but I’m going to try.

If you ask me, I want to be able to write more original works on my blog, more short stories or mini series’, but I’m afraid I would lose my pulling factor. This got me thinking... what and who am I writing for?

I write for myself and my readers too... but who is more important? Why am I so worried of losing my readers? Why should I be worried in the first place? Do I really wanna continue riding off someone else’s wave (J.K Rowling’s in this context), or do I want to take a risk and ride on my own wave?

I guess every creative person would come to this stage. How do you balance doing what’s fun with what your readers want? Tough question to answer.

For now, I’ll just try to get the fan fiction going but I’ll put more love and effort into my own works.

The Darkness In Fairytales

Everything has a dark side right? This sometimes forces me to find some good in certain characters just to give them some... humanity.

Awhile back, I did some reading on Grimm's fairytales and some research on different children's novels. I was planning to write a short story collection based off them, and I had also gotten a book called The Child Thief which freaked me out so much I stopped reading after chapter 2.

Those reasons led me to google and that was when I realized that not all fairytales were happy and cheery like how Disney and Hollywood portrayed them to be. There is darkness in some of these tales and yet I remember reading them as a child... full of innocence. 

You must know that Grimm's fairytales itself isn't the best bedtime story. Some of the classics are also not very appropriate... mind you.

Here are some gruesome fairytale examples: Rumpelstiltskin ripped himself in half, the Pied Piper led the children into the river to drown, Little Red Riding hood was never saved, the Queen in Snow White was forced to dance to death in red hot iron shoes, Sleeping Beauty was raped, the bears ate Goldilocks, Cinderella's step sisters cut their feet to fit into her glass shoe, and oh, Peter Pan killed the Lost Boys when they aged.

Sure, there are... less gruesome and more child friendly versions but the original will always be the original. It's like twisting a story to make it sound better, when in fact it is not. 

This actually makes us think twice about fairytales. Fiction or not... these stories would probably give nightmares. 

One day when I have kids, I would just give the Harry Potter, Narnia and Enid Blyton. For the rest, I'll have to read them first.