Do I really?

The highlight of last year was the publishing of my first book. Out of all the people I know, who had bought and read my book, few came back with feedback. Generally encouraging ones, I guess, as a 1st time author, its crucial.

Positively thinking, I think my 1st book was o.k. Not fantastic... but o.k. This is me giving myself some credit after all the hard work.

And with that in mind, I'm not sure when people say I actually have talent. From my official writers blog, where I write fan fiction as practice (in writing and imagination), comments have been made by people I do not know saying I have talent.

But do I really? My 1st book has been turned down by the local bookstore distributors, plus, some of my friends have no intentions of buying my book, and ignores me when I ask. Come on, do I really have talent? Or am I just so weak socially that nobody feels obligated to help me out?

I know a lot of people. And quite a number of people I call 'friend'. But when it came down to my book sales, it was my parents' friends that bought the majority of the books I have sold.

What the heck am I talking about now? Is it question of talent? Or the question of having so little real friends?

I think it is both. (And maybe because my social skills suck.)

The encouraging part of writing is when someone genuinely compliments you. I want my friends to do that, but if they don't get a copy themselves, how can they? Most of the compliments I get are from people I don't know, and to be honest, their compliments are really encouraging me to keep writing (at least fan fictions).

But the sad part is, is that these people would not buy my book. Why? Because they just like the ones I write for free. The ones I write as practice. They are skeptical in purchasing my book, as I too would be with a person I barely know.

So if someone says you have talent, but does not have the faith in you to try reading your book, is it really a compliment after all?

Seriously, all these questions are just leading me to more questions. They can never really be answered.

All I know is that once all the 850 more books, I have stored up in my room, are gone, I'm going to find a publisher. At least I don't have to count on my own social skills to entice (or force) people to support me.

As far as talent goes. I don't know. If I really have talent, shouldn't it be easier?

Ugh. It seems to me, I'm not really helping myself.

If you have read this and know the answers to my questions, do let me know. I would really love some questions answered. Thank you.