2012 Was A Year Of...

Learning

- Advancing my writing skills in so many ways. 

- Gained life lessons through failures, mistakes and wrong judgements. 

- Finally graduated, with distinction.

...

Love

- Experiencing God's love and favor that has never failed me.

- Practicing love without expecting love in return.

- I might have walked under a bus and got hit by a train.

...

and Letting Go

- Knowing not all friendships last, and learning to let go of people after exhausting all effort.

- Forgetting grudges and forgiving myself and others.

- Releasing the past, so that I can look to the future.

...

2012 had its ups and downs. 

But I have managed to end the year victoriously, despite all the bumps and roadblocks that could have actually slowed me down. 

I thank God for a year full of lessons, and a year where I have matured more than I expected to.

Time to bravely enter 2013, with a goal to end it better, stronger and greater :) 

Greatest Joy

The greatest joy as a writer is being told by a reader that your work is loved.

There is also that awesome feeling when you are thanked by a reader for writing.

What more can I ask for?

The only reason I continue writing is because I know that there are people who would keep reading and supporting me.

It is a real boost of confidence to know that your talent is appreciated.

I am also really happy I got the chance to inspire some readers along the way. That is my bigger goal, after all.

Here I am, truly grateful for all my readers. No matter where life takes me, I will always remember how I started, and those who have stuck around from the very beginning.

Answered in 2 days!

Two nights ago, I found myself sitting on my couch in my bedroom, talking to God about my future.

I also told him that I wanted to free up the first two months of 2013, just to spend some solid time on writing. On that note, I asked him to help me convince my mom to let me have those months off, because ever since the beginning of this year, my mom insisted that I must get a job after I graduate.

She did not seem at all happy that I wanted to delay getting a job, and since last month, she has been pestering me to send in my resume to different companies.

It has been so hard to tell her that I wanted two months free, when she would give me a certain look, like I was asking for something that cannot be given. Of course I know she means well, and she just wants me to get a job so I would quit relying on her so much. BUT, my intentions of those jobless two months was to really focus on writing.

I'm really glad God heard my prayers that night. Because today, she asked me when I wanted to get a job, and I told her I would get a job in March as I wanted to write for the next two months. Thankfully, she did not object to it as well.

It's not a surprise that God answered my prayer, but it has been a while since I saw God act on my prayer so speedily. I really have to thank Him for that. Truly, He remains faithful till the end.

With that simple prayer answered, He shows me that I have nothing to worry about, because He's always there. Once again, I am rest assured my future is in His hands :)

I spent my Christmas morning...

...lending a hand :)

What better way to give, without having to spend a cent, than through helping where help is needed?

This morning, I did not wake up to gifts under a tree. I did not tear through wrapping paper, or squeal at a new toy. I woke up, and headed to a low cost apartment in my state, where I gave whatever help needed to make someone else's Christmas a little brighter.

I did not do much, as all I did was prep the packages of food, and hand out bread to the children, but even with that little deed, I couldn't help but feel that I spent my Christmas day well.

Over the years, I have outgrown the presents, but I have never outgrown the true spirit of Christmas. This is the season of giving, more than receiving; and if God could give his son, and his son could give his life, I should be able to give whatever I can too.

I'm glad I helped out this morning, because it reminded me of the abundance of love God has given to me, and for me, to share.

I hope you had a great Christmas too, no matter what you did :)

There's a couple more hours till the day ends, and soon enough, the year will follow suit. So, here's me toasting to a fruitful and faithful year ahead! May 2013 be another blessed and grace-filled year.

Lunch with...

... some famous people would be interesting.

When I was in my early teenage years, I used to be one of those who think they have the real celebrities' facebook accounts. I would send messages that said, "Hi, can we be friends?" hoping to get a reply.

This is extremely embarrassing,  but I honestly did those things.

After a couple of years, I matured and realized that these celebrities are working to entertain me. So what's the big deal about knowing them?

Though I do not go hunting for celebrities on facebook anymore, there are a few celebrities, or famous people in general, that I would love to sit down and have a meal with; not to drool over how cute they are, or how much I love their works, but to actually get the chance to see through their 'famous' outlook.

After hearing about them, watching them, and reading about them, one can only wish to grasp their true personalities.

So, if I could have lunch with some famous people, who would they be?

1) Tim Burton 

He can bring his wife (Helena Carter) and best friend (Johnny Depp) along if he likes. 

Why? Because he's my favourite film director. And I would really like to know where he got his whole film personality from. How he developed his signature, and how is it like as a storyteller on the days he isn't working.

2) Tom Felton

Because he is cute. The first time I saw him was in Anna and the King. That film was mostly shot in Malaysia, and it was the closest Hollywood film to home. He was so adorable in that film, that I wished I acted in it as well! I think he is the first British actor I've laid my eyes on as a child. 

3) Adam Young

I wrote a blog post about him, and that should answer why. But to cut it short, I want to hear his writer's voice. I think he is as much a writer as he is a composer, and that is why I love his music. It'll be nice to just talk to him.

4) Raymond Lam

Because I have been watching TVB dramas starring him and... I would like to know why he doesn't produce English music albums. He's cute too :) 

5) Last but not least, Joseph

Joseph is dead, but he's pretty famous to some. He was in the political sector in Egypt, back when papyrus was still being used. He has been a real influence in my life, and it is his story that inspired me since I was a child. I'll probably get the chance for a lunch date when I leave earth for another adventure.

If I actually take the time to ponder over this list longer, I would have more names. But for now, these are the few that comes to mind when I ask myself the question on who I would like to meet and get to know.

I probably will never get the chance to meet these people in my lifetime. But hey, there's always make believe; which, I so happen, to be very good at.

A Sucker for TVB Romance

Yes, I admit it, I am fond of romance in TVB dramas.

My favourite genre for TVBs is historical fiction, and though the politics, backstabbing and betrayals are oh so very emotionally stimulating, I enjoy a little romance in that concoction of emotions too.

Recently, I just finished a series called Twin of Brothers. It left me sobbing because my favourite character (played by Raymond Lam, who actually won awards for best (favourite) character) died. I guess everyone felt like me, and since he did not have a shot of survival in the series, he got an award instead.

If you watch TVB, you know that the actors are 'recyclable'. They act in other series', and often with the same actors. Being that I've seen their faces over and over again, the only way I can decide who are my favourites are through their romantic roles.

If they can make me cry and vouch for them throughout the series, the actor has won a spot on my favourites list. I would also take an effort to learn their names. WHICH, we all know, is kinda hard for a person who doesn't speak Chinese, because the credits are ALWAYS written in Chinese even if they have English names.

So in order to actually learn their names, I have to google it. That is effort taken.

Anyways, these are my favourites so far (yes, they are mostly guys because.... I'm a girl. Duh.).

Moses Chan

For his roles in Can't Buy Me Love and Beyond the Realm of Conscience

He's a really good actor with God knows how many awards.

Raymond Lam

For his roles in Twin of Brothers and The Sorcerer and the White Snake.

I just found out he has he own albums as well. That is talent right there.

Charmaine Sheh

For her roles in Can't Buy Me Love and Beyond the Realm of Conscience.

Yes, she and Moses played in the same two series and I think they make a perfect pairing.

Bosco Wong

I have no idea which series he was in that made me look him up, but ever since then, I can't forget his name. I think that has something to do with it being so unique. 

How can you ever forget 'Bosco'?

There you have it. The list is not long because not many characters leave an impression. Good acting put them on my list and I do hope it would get longer over time.  

As for the next TVB on my watch list, I'll have to wait for 2013; Saving General Yang sounds interesting, and looks good!

Sub for Sub?

That is something I do not practice on my blogs.

From day one, having not a single subscriber, I decided not to go for the 'follow me and I'll follow you' tactic of garnering readers. Why?

Because I do not want to follow a blog I will not read, nor do I want someone to follow me but not read my content. Whats the point of having millions of subscribers but none of them will take the time to read anything you have written?

If you honestly want to know if you are interesting, and if your content is captivating, then practicing 'sub for sub' will not help you grade yourself.

To be honest, this blog only has one subscriber. And that does not bother me at all. I know personal blogs are boring to the general audience, so why bother doing 'sub for sub' when no one cares about your personal life?

My other blog on wordpress however, has grown in subscribers since I started it, and not a single one of those who subscribed were out of that practice.

Now, you're probably wondering, why are you writing about this common practice among youtubers and bloggers?

Well, I have been asked a couple of times to follow someone who has just followed me. I don't really know how to turn them down without sounding cocky or rude. How do you tell someone that that's just not how you do things?

Most of the time, I treat those requests with silence. Because some things are hard to say without having to explain yourself afterwards.

3 Words

Muggle. Quidditch. Malaysia.

Yes, you heard me right. I'm talking about you, yes YOU, you didn't get your Hogwart's acceptance letter right?

You're also so fond of Quidditch, you wished you received your Hogwarts letter just so you could mount a broom. But then you realize you are from Malaysia and, well, why would a British school give you an offer?

If you can relate to all 3 of those words, and secretly desire to play Quidditch, then join this group!

Many HP fans around the world yearn to have a go at Quidditch. In some countries, they actually play it! But in Malaysia, sadly, no one does. So, I decided to start up a group where all of us Malaysian Potterheads can get the chance to play muggle Quidditch!

Just click here and you'll find yourself in a group you MUST join :)

I hope to see you guys there!

First Class!

X-MEN! 

No.. I wish. 

But I am graduating with a first class cgpa :)

Not to boast or anything (pffttt..) but I have been holding my #1 rank in my class standings for my entire degree. I have also tried really hard to graduate with a 3.75 cgpa, but a 3.7 is good enough for me. 

To be honest, I'm not a smart student. In high school, I was an average student, sometimes below average. I never scored all A's, nor did I do well in my final exam. But when I entered university, I was finally studying something I was interested in and I started to take more effort. 

Throughout the 4 years, I have never been late for a submission, unless it is a group assignment (we all know how mishaps happen in group assignments). I made sure to take my work seriously, and I actually studied for exams (which I rarely did in my final years at high school.)

On top of that, God has always been there to help me out. No relational problems, or personal issues ever came between me and my studies. God made sure of it. I'm also pretty sure he helped me with my assignments and my exams; by being my inspiration and expanding my memory bank. 

Though I may not be receiving any awards, but the greater reward that I got from the end of my studying phase, is the knowledge that God has the ability to create success and lighten burdens. 

Besides, what better satisfaction is there than knowing you made it, and you made it excellently.

I have definitely learnt more than just theories and practicality in the course that I studied; I have learnt to trust God more, and to push through tough times. I have learned about determination, focus, and will power. 

University was more than head and hand knowledge, it was also heart knowledge. 

Now moving on towards a new phase in life, it may seem big and scary, but from all the heart knowledge I have learned, I know I can overcome and achieve my dreams. 

Nothing is ever too hard with God and passion :)

There's always that one person...

... that you care about, that you remember their birthday and prepare them a gift. That one person you thought you could call friend.

But then... when your birthday comes, that person doesn't even wish you.

Yea.. that one person you thought was your friend, actually doesn't care about you.

In the end, they disappoint you. In the end, they are not really your friend.

At least you know, before you waste more of your time of that person.

Story of the Day

Let me tell you a story....

I'm a freelance ghostwriter, earning a little extra here and there. In this course of work, I know the rates and I also know I am being paid the minimum (for my country's rate). Everyone says so, I know so, full stop.

So when one of my clients asked for an 800 word article for 12 bucks, that's really underpaid. I kindly replied and refused the job (in which I had to let my mom read my email first, to make sure I didn't sound cocky or anything of that sort).

Later, I got a reply where my client called me 'not flexible' to her rates, AND 'choosy'.

Well, I'm a freelancer, I can be choosy, and there's a difference between 'not flexible' and being taken forgranted.

I would have replied that, but my mom gave me a better reply. She said, "Tell her that you are thankful for her advice and you will take it to heart."

I did as she said, because I didn't want to offend the client, even though I know my rights. Er, hello, I'm freelancing, I have every right to turn down a job for whatever reason. And the full time career I want is being an author, not a ghostwriter.

After that, I got a reply. She asked me to write the article in 500 words for my usual rate. Wow, what do you have of that?

I'm not going to talk bad about my client, so you be the judge. But honestly, I have no idea why she's so upset when I turned her down. If she wants a long term relationship (as she mentioned), then she should just accept that I don't want to do that job, and leave it as it is instead of calling me choosy or not flexible.

This is business, I'm not her permanent employee, and as my mom said, both parties have a say. Just like how she doesn't give me a writing job every month, I don't have to do every single one of the jobs she gives me.

But you know what, I'll let it slide.

The lesson I learnt was to be nice, no matter what people say. I mean, whats the point of offending people. I'm young and you never know how word might get around. It is always best to stay quiet and keep your reputation clean instead of saying something wrong and tarnishing it.

The birth of a conversation

The spark of a friendly conversation on a 'A Game of Thrones' casting video on Youtube.

This might contain spoilers.

Is Tumblr a blog?

Without being able to reply or comment on random posts without having to re-blog makes it fall short of a blog. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Wheres the fun at defending your own post when someone decides to ruin it for you, when there's no reply button?

Some people want to get away from criticism when they remove the 'ask' section, making it impossible for one to contact them. Might be they also fear that they have offended too many people by trashing people's posts, instead of having a friendly discussion.

I guess, Tumblr is a place for you to say anything without having to deal with the consequences of saying it. That's why it is such a great place to rant! And put GIFS! And then call that blogging!

I have a Tumblr account btw, but I won't be giving a link. My account is doing what a Tumblr account should be doing; being re-blogged and criticized without a chance to speak against it.

But, those dumb re-blogs from fearful accounts with no 'ask' section should be water under the bridge now.

I'm just not a fan of Tumblr. Fullstop.

I'm only using it to post my thoughts on A Song of Ice and Fire as I read through the series. (Even that, people love re-blogging with negativity.)

Why I love Owl City

I don't have friends who love Owl City as much as I do, or at least I don't know of any. Most of my friends actually make fun of me for liking Owl City. They don't think its... 'music'? I don't know. They just don't like the stuff Adam Young has made.

Honestly, I think he makes awesome music. I love every song he has ever produced. And unlike other singers or bands that I listen to (Rascal Flatts & Taylor Swift, to name a few), I don't like everything they release in their latest album. I like them, but not everything they have created makes me want more.

Adam Young/ Owl City has been my favorite for a very long time, and he will remain my favorite. If I ever get the chance to meet him, that would be so awesome!

Besides his music, I also think he is a brilliant writer. I once stumbled upon a blog post he wrote where he stringed his words so amazingly, I thought he could write a novel! Of course, one would have noticed his style of writing in his songs by now, and they have the oddest yet most interesting descriptions.

'Blow your backbone to bits'? What a sight! That line was in 'Galaxy'. That song also holds a lot more meaning than mere beats.

I guess it is safe to say Adam Young is a poet. And I admire his quirky way of writing.

Why I love Owl City? Well, who else can write interestingly strange lyrics to piece with his unique music, if not Adam Young.

A Little Bit About Monsters

Monsters have a weird way of living. They are very much like you and me, nice, friendly and sweet, until they reach a point where they evolve. 

During this evolving stage, which happens once in their life, they have radical mood swings. One moment, they are as sweet as puppy dogs, and the next, their terabyte of a memory starts vomiting all the things they hate about you.

Monsters should be carefully dealt with in this period. Saying one wrong thing can lead to a destruction of a long streak of peaceful silence you thought you had. 

They also have the tendency to turn their mistakes into your mistakes, making you the monster instead. On top of that, monsters also love comparing you with other humans, whom they think are like you but worst. They often point out that you might end up like them, all screwed up and slimy. 

You try to be nice to the monsters, you feed them, play with them and for the sake of not being chased out by them, you put up with them. Unfortunately, monsters have selective memory and only recalls the time you mess up and fail in your attempt to please them. 

Tell you what, if they want you gone, you best be gone. Nothing good comes with battling and pleasing a monster at the same time. After all, they can always creep from under your bed and strangle you in the night. (I'm just joking... no really. But just be careful.)

Sick Tom

A couple of days ago, Tom wasn't feeling so well. He had been making noises on and off and it was starting to worry me.

So yesterday, I brought him to get checked, but when we arrived he refused to show the doctor what the problem was. I was pretty upset with him because he worried me and I really needed him to get better. Since there was nothing to be diagnosed, I took him home.

Once we came home, Tom did not make another single sound, until today! I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but maybe my dad was right; Tom just wanted to go out for a while.

He did give me scare though and I thought he was going to die at one point.

Tom, oh Tom, why do you have to be like that. I can't blame him much anyways, I have had him for three years and three years is considered old for a laptop, right?

Banned Shows...

... I had a few when I was a kid.

When I was around 10, my mom banned me from watching Dark Angel and Charmed. But, my dad never stopped me when I sat beside him and watched them on TV. It was a good thing that my mom always went to bed early, but it was a bad thing that those shows were only on TV past 10 p.m.

The fact that I was unable to watch all the episodes made me love these series' even more! I actually ended up playing as a Charmed One with my friends in primary school. We would walk around fighting demons and befriending them. Everyone involved were either a demon, my sisters (Phoebe and Prue; Paige never existed then) or a white lighter. Till today, those who played along with me still remember what we used to do during recess. Oh, how I miss those days!

And...rrm.. I might even have a book of shadows. An incomplete one cause my mom told me to destroy it while I was still copying the contents from a friend's book. (This shows how important it is for parents to educate instead of banning something. Back then, I didn't understand why it was not good.)

Besides Charmed, I was also in love with Dark Angel. The whole idea of genetically enhanced children with  neat bar codes on the back of their necks, just made me want to be one of them! I would imagine to be one of those kids, and some people around me which I thought cool, were also 'special'. This only happened in my head and my own world of make belief, because I didn't have friends who watched this series as well.

Now you're probably wondering, why were these banned? Charmed had witchcraft and Dark Angel had bar codes. Does bar codes and the devil's mark ring a bell?

I grew up in a Christian family and it's pretty normal for parents to be protective. My mom did ban me from Harry Potter as well, but I never cared, cause even though I wasn't allowed to buy the books, I still read them and loved them.

I understand where my mom was coming from though. But when I was a child, my imagination was the most important thing to me (Still is actually), and without being explained to on why it was banned, it didn't stop me. 

I know that many Christian families these days still ban Harry Potter and a bunch of other fantasy and science fiction shows, but personally, I think that banning won't help much. Once your child grows older, they'll just find other means to watch or read those you banned. I think that instead of banning something, explain why you do not think it is good, or, embark on the show and book together with your child. That way, if something does not seem right, there's always room to help your child understand.

Today, even though those shows were banned, I have managed to watch every episode. Yes, I know witchcraft is wrong, and no, dark angel has nothing to do with the devil's mark, but those two shows did not change my beliefs and faith at all. 

It's a good thing I knew how to differentiate reality and fiction, or not I would be one of those kids who actually think they can cast a spell on a friend with a spell from Harry Potter (Something like that actually came out in the newspapers.)

Personally, I would rather embark on a show/ book with my children rather than just saying 'No, because I say so.' There isn't much point in that because children are getting smarter. And why would I want to box up my children's imagination when I can be there to share it with them?

I'm no parenting expert, but I'm writing from my own childhood experiences. If only my parents would play along with me, I would have so much more fun (and protection at the same time).

A Song of Ice and Fire

The first time I heard about this series was before the TV series came out. I was actually looking for a book with a medieval fantasy setting, just to see how authors write, because I was planning on a book that was set in that universe. Posting a question on Facebook led to a reply from a friend who suggested the series.

I actually googled it and gotten an e-book copy of A Game of Thrones. The 90's cover was not at all impressive but I attempted the book anyways. (I admit, i'm a judge-a-book-by-its-cover kind of a reader.)

Honestly, the introduction was really hard to get through. I decided to drop the book all together when the start was not very interesting. Then, the TV series came out and I had no idea it was based on that book series. I completely forgotten the title... that's why I saw no connection. 

After watching the first season, I decided to try again. The introduction failed me once more. Long and unfriendly names with heavily stringed sentences were not helping. Note, I have never read an adult novel until this one. Young adult novels were easy and light, hence, I was very used to that. 

So, unable to get through it again, I decided to not try. 

But a couple of months after season 2 ended, I wanted to give the book another shot. I really wanted to know what happened and why zombies were showing up! So, after getting another e-book copy, I skipped the intro and went straight to the next. I was not going to let it ruin the book for me again. (That sounds stupid, but it is true.)

I rushed through book 1, because it felt like a replay of the series. But towards the middle of book 2, I realized how small things were changed in the series, which made it more interesting.

I'm currently on book 3, and we all know that after A Game of Thrones, the series never really followed the books. It was rather close but not very. I prefer the books over the TV series of course, as characters and plots had much more depth, but I have to thank the TV series for making me want to read the books.

I actually bought all 5 of the books and I'm determined to finish them all (since I have already paid around RM35 for each of them. That's about RM175, excluding the discounts I got which actually saved me close to 50% of the entire cost). 

Where am I getting at? 

I just want to say its a good series, with well sewn plots and well built characters. You should pick it up if you want to dive into this 'magical' world of war, love, deception and magic.

It has adult content (duh), with minimal profanities but quite a number of obscenity. So, you best be ready. 

But, hey, that aside, it is one good twisting tale!

Ticking off my plans!

I wrote a post in August on my plans, so here I am, checking off what I've done!

I plan:

1) to send my self published book to publishing houses after I graduate. (If you know contacts of publishing houses, do leave it in the comments below.)

CHECK ☑ I already sent in The Dreamer to two publishing houses. I'm still waiting for a reply :)

2) to do a video when I hit 900 subs on my official writers blog.

UNCHECKED ☐ I didn't have time to do it. Maybe when I hit 1k subs? Or when something awesome happens :)

3) to go on vacation after I grad and write my second book.

UNCHECKED ☐ I still have 2 more days of uni left!

4) to make enough money and have a website next year.

UNCHECKED ☐ I'm making some money but my priority now is a new laptop. So a website might have to wait for a while.

5) to make my final film project for my degree a good one, so people can use it to spread awareness.

CHECK ☑ It will be up on youtube soon. Along with my new mini series called 'The Lucrative Business' on my official writers blog.

6) to increase my client base in ghostwriting.

UNCHECKED ☐ I still only have 2 clients.

7) to graduate on top of the class. (I know this may sound nerdy but it would be an accomplishment for me.)

UNCHECKED ☐ I don't know yet. Refer to number 3.

8) to tick each of this off once they are done, so that I will do what I have planned to do.

CHECK and UNCHECKED. Not everything has been ticked off... yet.

Also, how do you increase the number of fans on your fan page? I wonder...

I have no idea, Jeyna. Maybe get published?

True Friends...

... what are they?

Throughout my life, especially in school, I've learnt a lot about friends. 

I used to have best friends, and those were the ones I would speak on the phone with every night, even after seeing them in school; they were the ones I would exchange private letters with secrets; and those 'best friends' were people I thought I could count on. 

Until.....

I decided not to have best friends anymore, but good friends instead. 

Why? Well, 'best friend' is a term with too much privileges, and after all the experiences, I can't really trust someone with every single thing. 

Nope, that is too risky. I've learned that since primary school, secondary school and even in university. 

Let me share some of the experiences.

I had a friend in primary school I used to call a best friend. Little did I know, she was just fooling me all along. She would make trades with me, just so she can get the better item. She convinced me to trade a black shaker mechanical pencil I found, with a notebook she already used. Let me just say, those shaker pencils were an in thing back then, and I did not have one. 

She also told me that she was getting published, and that our make believe stories will be in our book! Wow! I fell for that, but I was 9 I think, so I was pretty naive and innocent; gullible too.

In secondary school, I had a best friend who I confided in with all my secrets, including who I like. One day, I asked her to do me a favor by calling the guy I like, and convince him that he should take me to his school's prom (he came from an international school). Little did I know, she ended up calling him more than once behind my back, and  he ended up inviting her to his school's prom. 

That was an epic betrayal. I cried in front of her but she laughed me off and said I was stupid. 

Seriously.. real story right here. 

After that, I decided to move on and just stay friends with her, removing her best friend privileges. She ended up dating the guy and people in school were talking about how cute he was and all that. I forgave her in the end though, cause there was no point hating her.

In uni, I've met different kinds of friends. By then, I stopped having best friends, but good friends instead. Each friend had a different level of privilege, and they are all important to me. 

But the saddest part is, during this period in life, I realized that not everyone you view as important, will view you important to them. Yup, that's a fact.

I realized that there is no point looking out for someone who does not even show a slight hint of gratitude. There was also no point in trying too hard when the other person does not even lift a finger to keep the friendship going. That was when I learned to let people go. 

But despite all that, I still have some good friends I can count on. I have good friends from childhood, good friends from high school, and good friends from different walks of life. No, we are not BFFs but I know I can count on them when I need them. I know they will be there when I call. So what if someone doesn't pick up the phone, at least I know then who is my true friend.

On top of that, I have God. Who is the bestest friend anyone can have, so, there's no need to complain when people shut me out, because I know God wouldn't do that to me.

At the end of the day, I thank God for the ones in my life that matter, and I thank God for being the friend I never had. Inevitably, life is about people and people tend to disappoint; it is then that you choose who you would fight for, when you will let go, and who will stay by your side till the very end.

The Unwrapped Gift

Who gets a gift and chooses not to unwrap it?

Worse still, who gets a gift, which is useful and one of a kind, but chooses not to use it?

I've known people who have talents in different areas, but instead of honing their giftings, they choose to do something else.

Personally, that is such a waste. 

I would love to be able to draw, paint, sing and compose music, but I don't have talent in those areas. And when I see people who do, I admire their talent. 

Unfortunately, I've also seen people who have those talents, but decides that they aren't important, and those gifts can be pushed aside. 

It kinda irks me to see something so good just left to collect dust.

But who am I to tell them that they should pay more attention to that special gift? It is not my life after all. 

I just can't help but feel that the lack of attention towards something so unique and special is just a waste!

So, if you are reading this and you can draw, paint, sing, compose music, write or do anything else that makes you unique among the people you know, please please don't let your talent go to waste. 

God gave you a gift, use it to its fullest potential. You never know what greater things your talent can give you.

And then there was jealousy...

... envy, and wonder.

Recently, I've noticed this particular blogger, who 'liked' most of the posts of others blog which I would comment on. 

Curious on who he was, I visited his blog. And lo and behold, he has over 17,000 subscribers! He has also self published quite a number of his books. 

I have to admit, I was... jealous and envious. I believe he's even the same age as I am, and he seems to be pretty successful already. Seeing him, with that many facebook likes and fans, I couldn't help but compare. 

There is him, and then there's me, who self published one book, and is barely getting anywhere as a writer to date. 

If you were me, I bet you would feel the same way. And you would start to wonder, why am I not like him?  

But then I recalled something that was once mentioned by Ps. Neli Atiga. He mentioned that we were born in this time for a reason. And in God's own timing, we will experience the plans He has for us in our lives.

So... maybe I'm not meant to be anybody now. But I'm sure God has the right time to help me achieve my dreams. After all, He did say I was to write for him, and I don't think He would go back on his words. 

Whoever I become, whether big or small, God's plans are always perfect. 

Though I may be small now, but God is still faithful.

And just recently, God gave me the chance to feel how it was like to have people eager to read my stories. Those one or two people who I do not know, constantly came back to my blog and made time every week to read and leave comments. To me, that was enough. The faithful few supporters beats any number. 

He made me see that number of fans and subscribers are not as important as the few who were giving their time and support to someone they do not even know personally. That makes me want to write even more, because, at the end of the day, I write for my readers more than I will ever write for myself.

Honestly, I do not know if I will ever be big one day, I don't even know what my life will be next year, after I graduate, but I know that all I want to do in life is write. God knows that, and I hope to be on the same page as Him. 

Somehow, to most people I know...

.... seeing me in a dress is like seeing snow for the first time.

The response I get every time will be, "You're wearing a dress!"

Well, it is true that I don't wear dresses often, and only dress up for dinners and events, but them saying that makes me feel even..... shy-er?

Come on, I do wear dresses, just not frequently. I is shy when you point it out *blushes*

Because of those reactions, I do not dare to wear dresses on normal days, even to school or to church. I'm afraid that people will keep pointing it out and I would have no place to hide my face. LOL!

Anyways, the picture is me in a dress. Duh. I actually had a slytherin scarf with me, but I only took it out when it got cold in the hall. Oh, and the necklace that I wore was the Mockingjay necklace. Sighs, I'm such a geek.

I actually came back from that fund raising dinner an hour ago but I barely took any pictures.  This one was taken from my mom's phone, and it was just supposed to be the two of us, but my dad decided to photo-bomb the picture anyways.

That is also a new haircut btw :) For once, I actually like it.

Why you do what you do?

That's a question we sometimes cannot answer, even to ourselves.

Between asking myself that, I also ask others. Others whose decisions affect me. Most of the time, they are just internal questions, sometimes I just voice it out. One time, I didn't get an answer.

What do you do when you don't get an answer? From yourself or from others?

If I don't get an answer from myself, I reevaluate my choices and decisions. If I don't get an answer from others, I reevaluate our relationship.

Life is full of decisions and evaluations. One cannot escape that. At the end of the day, what you do will reflect on who you are. Hopefully, there would be more good decisions than bad in everyone's lifetime.

Now, I shall leave you with a joke, which may or may not have any relevance to my blog post. Why? Because Christmas is coming and it doesn't snow in Malaysia.

I know who Slenderman is....

Page 403 in A Clash of Kings:

"I will be heard." A slender man all in black pushed his way between the Redwyne twins.

"Ser Alliser!" Tyrion exclaimed.


I was as shock as Tyrion when I found out.
Now that the mystery is solved, lets move on from this slender craze.

They are back...

... the TV series that I follow.

Here's the list:
- Once Upon a Time
- Grimm
- Vampire Diaries
- 90210
- Family Guy
- Downton Abbey
- Glee
- The Walking Dead
- Pretty Little Liars (Aired during Summer)
- Game of Thrones (Aired during Summer)

New ones I'm following:
- Revolution (Pretty o.k. Not really something I look forward to every week.)
- 666 Park Avenue (Just watched this one today and it seems pretty interesting.)

That's a lot. But not a lot when compared to my friend who has a total of 24 on his list. I wish him the best of luck in watching ALL of them in a week.

Personally, I never go above 10, and since two in my list are Summer series', I've reached my maximum number of TV series a week.

90210, Vamp Diaries and the Walking Dead are still on break, but I'm pretty sure they will be out soon.

I hope it doesn't become too stressful trying to remember to download them all.

My 1st attempt...

... at approaching a publishing house.

It took me some time to think on whether to submit my self publish book to them for reviewing, but I did it anyways.

Why did I have to think twice? Maybe cause I'm a skeptic. Skeptic of e-books.

Call me old school but I do not like e-books. I'm a big fan of paperbacks. I like the smell of new and old books, and I find it easier to read on a page instead of on a screen. Hence, I always have this picture in mind where I would find my book on a bookshelf. But hey, that can't happen over night right? Everyone has to start out somewhere. I would be so blessed if they would even consider publishing me.

I heard about Crooked Cat Publishing on another writer's blog. She got published  by them and she highly recommended them. They do e-books and Print on demand. And... they have such an awesome name too! Considering I love cats :)

According to their website, it takes about 8 to 12 weeks for them to get back to me. So till then, I'll just have to live by faith.

And if I don't get published, it won't be the end of the world. Many authors get turned down over and over again before they gain success, so it is normal to get rejected. Besides, I was rejected by the local book distributors, so I've had my first rejection already. I would handle the rest better. 

At the end of the day, if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. If not, God always has something better in mind :)

I can't believe...

...I'm actually excited over a free online course site.

I'm not a nerd, nor do I love studying. But there are so much things I wanna learn that I can't, because my parents have already paid for my 4 year education, and some courses are not available in my country.

So when I found Coursera, I immediately signed up to be a couserian. The amount of free short courses available which are taught by lecturers from renown universities all over the world, is just like a box full of good chocolates.

Yes, I sounded like a nerd again. But hey, I wanted to learn about gaming, myths, archaeology, and space exploration; this is my chance.

Unfortunately, I have to finish up my current education, in which it is already paid for, before I can commit to the other short courses on that site.

Till then, I can't wait :)

Geek Out!

It is finally here!!!!

In the beginning of the year, I got myself a Slytherin scarf. A month plus ago, I got myself a Mockingjay necklace, and it has arrived today! 

It has a much better quality than I expected and I'm really happy : ) 

The next thing I hope to get is something Targaryen. As of now, there's nothing Targaryen on E-bay that can be worn, so I'll just do some waiting, just like how I waited really long to get this one at a good price.

I'm in love with...

... Tang Dynasty dresses.

They are just so pretty! I intend on having my own (with a simple and elegant design; not a fan of the gaudy looking ones) and wearing it on my wedding dinner. 

The first time I saw a Tang Dynasty dress was when watching a Tang Dynasty TVB drama, "Beyond The Realm of Conscience", and since then, I only watch Tang Dynasty TVB dramas. I was never fond of modern day TVBs and I would only watch those of the olden days, but never was I so fond of their costumes. 

Hence,  I now look out for other Tang Dynasty TVBs so that I can download them and watch all 30 episodes for the following 3 days. 

(Wow.. I've mentioned Tang Dynasty too many times...)

Here's the list of shows I have watched and intend to watch:

- Beyond the Realm of Conscience ☑

- Can't Buy Me Love ☑

- House of Harmony and Vengeance ☑

- The Greatness of a Hero ☐ 

- Twin of Brothers ☐ 

- Lady Fan ☐ 

- The Legend of Lady Yang ☐  

Personally, I wish each series that I have watched could continue and not stop, just like American TV series'. If only they had seasons. 

So, if you're a TVB fan, try checking out the Tang stuff, they are indeed pretty awesome. If you don't understand Cantonese, then just read the subtitles like me :) 

How many times...

... have you gotten the chance to relate to a Gotye song?

Once.

That's my answer.

I never really got the song, "Somebody that I used to know", until somebody I used to know decided to do exactly what the song speaks about.

Honestly, why do people have to cut other people off? Worst part is they do it without explanation. The only thing I hope for them is that people they care about would cut them off too, then they would know how it feels like, and think twice before doing it again.

To somebody I used to know, I'm probably dead and non existent. Thank you, for making people feel insignificant, you do a terrific job at that. Unfortunately, I don't seek out revenge, and I think forgiving you may be my only option. I hope you have a nice life. 

(I prefer the Glee version, cause Darren Criss was spot on in his expressions, and... cause he's hot.)

I plan...

... to send my self published book to publishing houses after I graduate. (If you know contacts of publishing houses, do leave it in the comments below.)

2) to do a video when I hit 900 subs on my official writers blog.

3) to go on vacation after I grad and write my second book.

4) to make enough money and have a website next year.

5) to make my final film project for my degree a good one, so people can use it to spread awareness.

6) to increase my client base in ghostwriting.

7) to graduate on top of the class. (I know this may sound nerdy but it would be an accomplishment for me.)

8) to tick each of this off once they are done, so that I will do what I have planned to do.

Also, how do you increase the number of fans on your fan page? I wonder...

There's a little hate in...

...those words.

I don't know how to explain it, but you get what I mean when some words give off an angry emotion? Whether it's the style or the content, one can tell.

Rarely do I find myself writing words with a hint of dissatisfaction; it is always full blown. Cause the concoction of unsettling emotions cannot be hinted, right? I discovered today that it can. No, I was not angry at someone, rather, unsatisfied with a situation, hence hints of emotion slipped out through my fingers, leaving residue on my words.

That is when I find myself adding full stops to the end of a word. Like, Ok. Yea. No. Heavy. Possibly. and the list goes on. Usually, I don't just end with a full stop, it is an annoying habit of mind to leave trail of dots........ So, I guess if we've chatted long enough, you would know somethings up.

Mind you, I don't do it on purpose. I don't intend on leaving any residue in the words I type, but it just happens. Especially when I'm not trying to make it seem so, it happens.

Well, I sure do hope it doesn't affect my stories. Though it would be good if it were a story on anger.

Now I know why...

... writers go away, all by themselves, in a secluded place, just to write.

Personally, I'm planning to write my second novel in the beginning of next year.

I have the gist of the story laid out and I'm planning to build it up more, but I'll probably only do it at the end of the year, as I need to focus on my final semester.

I'm also planning to get away for a couple of weeks, or a month maybe, to somewhere not here.

Why? Because I need a different scenery and some time to get away from the same routine everyday. It's not that I do not like home, but the mundane routine I'm doing everyday kind of kills off any inspiration.

Hence, I think if I take a short trip just to focus on writing my first draft, I would be able to write better and more efficiently.

So, where am I planning to go? Well, that I do not know. I'll just be saving up money and when I have finally decided, I'll see if I have enough. Maybe... somewhere by the sea? Or somewhere comfortable outside the city?

I hope to be able to complete my 1st draft in that time alone so that I don't have to worry about having an incomplete story when I start working. And when I have finally earned enough, I will self publish again, or, find a publisher, but those are just plans that could change. For now, I'm just focusing on a trip.

If you have any suggestions on places to go, cheap and comfortable, possibly in Malaysia itself, do let me know in the comments below!

Shot Unaware

My heart hurts,
It hurts to the core,
Its like my soul has been ripped out,
And I can't take it any more.

You caught me by surprise,
Oh yes you did,
It was like an unexpected bullet to the heart,
shocked as the wound started to bleed.

All the good times we had,
And all the plans that we made,
Sounded so perfect and true,
But not away they start fade.

No words can describe the torment;
Something my mind can't even comprehend.
We had a good thing going,
Why did it have to end?

Now I'm left to dry,
As my hope for us you destroyed,
And in my clouded mind,
The dreams I had for us is void.

It'll take time to heal,
And it'll take a lot of tears,
But if it's what you have to do,
Then let me not be one of your fears.

I don't hate you,
And I don't blame you.
It's not me being understanding,
It's just that I can't even if I wanted to.

So, here's me forgiving you;
A pretty hard thing to do.
We can still be friends?
At least we have some memories to fall back to.


(Jeyna LSC © 12 July, 2012)

The truth will set you free...

... or not.

Sure, it does, but sometimes it sets you free right on top of molten lava. But it depends on what the truth is. If it's a truth of a horrible past, one should think twice about bringing it up. Cause as much as we wish for the past to stay hidden, they never do.

Come on, you've watched desperate housewives no? or at least know what it is about? Secrets always surfaces.

I guess one would never really know how the past can hurt the future until one experiences it. So it's always better to think twice before doing something that could scar your life in the end.

It's A Pretty Big Deal...

...when you're an unknown self-pub writer and is invited to speak at a primary school on their English week.

Yup, that's me. I was invited to a primary school to give a one hour speech and to sell my book.

I do have to thank my dad for giving my book to a friend of his, who happened to be a teacher at that school.

I guess I can say this is my first... gig as a writer? I've never had book signings and though this isn't exactly a book signing, but I'm getting there.

The only thing I'm afraid of is that the students, aged 10-12, might not fully understand what I have to say or plan on doing. Since it's actually a Chinese, semi private, government school, language might be a barrier. But I can only do my best :)

Well, I still have a month to prepare. I just wanted to share the good news, to whoever that is actually reading this :)

(Pictures will be up on this blog, my writers blog and fan page after my little gig.)

Besides writing....

I dance...

We performed this this morning for Parent's Day. 

It's a simple fun dance and I'm surprised that we were pretty neat, especially the kids. 

The 5 girls did such a great job!

Check it out:

You can also check out my other dance videos on my youtube channel :) 

Trained to Think

I just stumbled across a blog and thought I should address the issue.

The author of the blog mentioned how he/she (sounds like a she) dislikes people who over analyze a film or a book. Well, I'm pretty sure he/she is not the only one.

But here's the point of view of a graduating film student. Every semester, we have a subject or two which requires us to write journals and film analysis'. If one wishes to score better grades, the more things you would have to analyze; from colour to lighting to framing and even to dialogue. The more you write about these stuff, the more marks you get. Simple as that. 

Over the years, we have been trained to watch films so closely that it becomes a habit. 

I discovered it had become a habit in me when I was watching the final episode of Desperate Housewives. The closing sequence had the characters in scenes with a single colour theme. The colour was.... blue? I can't remember. It was when I pointed it out out loud that I realized I'm going to have a problem at simply enjoying films when all my eyes tend to do is spot relations.

I hate that part of me. Haha. Then again, analyzing is pretty fun, cause it can help you predict the future events in the film. But wheres the fun in watching a film if you already know the ending right?

It is both a curse and a blessing.

Unfortunately for us, we will be stuck with this habit. So, don't dislike us who over analyze, we were merely trained to think that way.

Doodle Books

I have them. I have 3 of them. Instead of pictures, I doodle words; poems, beginning of unfinished short stories, ideas, concept, characters, places, names, etc, etc...

I just opened up one of them today, and remembered I wanted to write a book through poetry, something like Dr. Seuss. I have already written 5 out of 15 chapters and I think I can finish it soon enough.

The best part about looking through these books were the memories of ideas, worlds and characters that returned to the tip of my mind. They are like old friends I have never seen for years, and old places I have never visited for a long time. 

It also reminds me of the vast world of my imagination that is still living and breathing in my mind, and though I may have not been there to clean up the cobwebs, they are like old generators, humming softly in dark abandoned warehouses.

I miss those worlds dearly. Heck, I wish I could expand them, but in my head, there are just too many that I tend to forget and neglect after time. Ah, the gift of imagination.

I'd like to think I'm unique enough to have created so many worlds in my own mind, yet I know there are many people like me out there. I'm not so special after all. But I would make it my duty to unleash these worlds into the real world one day, if I think they are worthy of exposure. 

Till then, I'll see if I can clean some cob webs up and share a few of my little stories to my blog readers on my wordpress. Or here. It depends. I don't have followers here.

Anyways, to those who are reading, which is probably no one, have a good week ahead! 

Self Discovery

I discovered the truth about how I feel.

It's too complicated to explain, but it's the truth. 

In light of recent discoveries, I have realized that that grain of emotion was merely stimulated to fill a hole that has not been patched up. 

Hence, what I'm feeling could be fake... or not. I don't know.

I guess sometimes I feel what my mind tells me to feel. I don't know what is real when that happens. 

They say the mind plays trick on you, and indeed they are right. Whoever they are. 

Logo Designs

Slytherins of Pottermore is currently having a Logo competition. Apparently, there is a mystery prize!


They are also planning on printing the winning design onto shirts and will be sending it to all their members, which includes me, I think (I was a member added by one of the admins, I never really registered. Oh well.)


Since you can submit 3 designs, these are my 3. The last one is still a work in progress, so if you have any suggestions on how to make it better, let me know in the comments below!

I'm not a Photoshop wiz, I've just been using Photoshop for 4 years now. There's just so much I can self learn in 4 years.