A Writer's Dilemma

Here’s a confession.

I’m tired of fan fictions.

I know this would not make my readers happy, as they seem to enjoy them, but it is starting to bore me.

I started writing fan fictions as a way to deal with my PPD (Post Potter Depression). It then slowly became a platform for me to practice my writing. I’ve gotten tons of subscribers because of my fan fictions and it was, and still is, a pulling factor for my blog.

Honestly, it was once very fun to write. I would look forward to my next crazy idea and it didn’t take much brain squeezing. Today, I struggle with writing more than 100 words for each chapter in my current running fan fiction. I feel like I have to force the chapters and at the end of each, I know they are not good.

Forced work.. is horrible work. Fact.

Exactly how I feel when it comes to writing fan fictions. 

Personally, I dont wanna stop the current fan fiction because I’ve already started it. I don’t like doing things half way and I’m the kind of person that tries my best to complete something once I’ve started. I’m not sure how I would be able to complete this fan fiction, but I’m going to try.

If you ask me, I want to be able to write more original works on my blog, more short stories or mini series’, but I’m afraid I would lose my pulling factor. This got me thinking... what and who am I writing for?

I write for myself and my readers too... but who is more important? Why am I so worried of losing my readers? Why should I be worried in the first place? Do I really wanna continue riding off someone else’s wave (J.K Rowling’s in this context), or do I want to take a risk and ride on my own wave?

I guess every creative person would come to this stage. How do you balance doing what’s fun with what your readers want? Tough question to answer.

For now, I’ll just try to get the fan fiction going but I’ll put more love and effort into my own works.

The Darkness In Fairytales

Everything has a dark side right? This sometimes forces me to find some good in certain characters just to give them some... humanity.

Awhile back, I did some reading on Grimm's fairytales and some research on different children's novels. I was planning to write a short story collection based off them, and I had also gotten a book called The Child Thief which freaked me out so much I stopped reading after chapter 2.

Those reasons led me to google and that was when I realized that not all fairytales were happy and cheery like how Disney and Hollywood portrayed them to be. There is darkness in some of these tales and yet I remember reading them as a child... full of innocence. 

You must know that Grimm's fairytales itself isn't the best bedtime story. Some of the classics are also not very appropriate... mind you.

Here are some gruesome fairytale examples: Rumpelstiltskin ripped himself in half, the Pied Piper led the children into the river to drown, Little Red Riding hood was never saved, the Queen in Snow White was forced to dance to death in red hot iron shoes, Sleeping Beauty was raped, the bears ate Goldilocks, Cinderella's step sisters cut their feet to fit into her glass shoe, and oh, Peter Pan killed the Lost Boys when they aged.

Sure, there are... less gruesome and more child friendly versions but the original will always be the original. It's like twisting a story to make it sound better, when in fact it is not. 

This actually makes us think twice about fairytales. Fiction or not... these stories would probably give nightmares. 

One day when I have kids, I would just give the Harry Potter, Narnia and Enid Blyton. For the rest, I'll have to read them first.

Growing Up.... Sucks.

I believe some of you would be able to relate to the above title. I for one, realized that stepping into the working world is not easy. It's definitely a big shift from university life, where the pressure only laid in assignments and exams. 

Since I started work in March, I had little sleep (treasuring my weekends because I need not have to wake up till my body wanted to) and my imagination was blinking red. As a self published author hoping to make authoring my career, lack of imagination is terrifying. 

On top of that, I was faced with a challenge at work that caused me to lose a grip on my emotions. When I realized that my behavior was reeling out of my norm, I decided to take a few steps back.

I remember asking God to only open one door when it came to getting a job. I told Him he could pick, that way it was easier for us all. He did open one door that led me to my current job. But after working for a few weeks, someone new entered the office and totally pushed my limits. I could not take it anymore, so I asked God to help me. He did once again... and got me a job somewhere else that not only matched up with my current job offer but also something more suited towards me.

Sometimes I wonder why God put someone so annoying in my life, but deep down I know it's a test; a test I failed. But God is good... and He's not the kind to let you suffer. He always think in advance and helps you by giving you a better alternative. 

See, God doesn't just throws you a float when you're drowning, He throws you a boat with food and water. That's the way He works!

Yes, growing up sucks. I have more responsibilities, I'll meet more challenging people, and I'll sometimes be drained of my own talents and skills... but I must remember that God is always with me. No matter how much it sucks, I'm not alone!

This years has not been short of God's guidance and presence in my life. I'll definitely have to blog everything God has done so I will not forget His faithfulness. Let this blog be a reminder to me that God is good... all the time!

Raindrops

Fancy banner? What, did you just say you like it? Aww, thank you!

Ok, so now that that shameless self pat on the back is over, I'm going right to the reason of this post.

If you have come from my writer's blog, you're probably wondering what this is all about. I actually have a post waiting to be published on my writer's blog about this, but I would only do it when the voting is up. What voting?

Well, I previously wrote on this blog about joining Kernel Magazine's 30 hour novel challenge, and after one month, my novella (together with 121 others) is finally up for reading!

You can read it by clicking HERE :) 

Raindrop is a fantasy story about a boy who sees a face in a raindrop. Did that get you interested? Go read what happens after that! 

Hopefully, within the next week, Kernel Magazine would put up the link for readers to vote for the best novels. The winner, may or may not, be published by Harper Collins. Sounds like an awesome opportunity eh?

Hence, I only decided to publish the post on my writer's blog when the voting is up. But before that happens, why not read my novel and let me know what you think! 

I do not know if I would be published, or if I even stand a chance among the other novels, but whatever happens, I believe there's a perfect timing for everything. Just like in my novel, Raindrops, there's always a perfect timing... even for rain :)

I Was 100% Sure Of Failure

Today, I went for my driving exam. It was a long day of waiting, occasional pulse racing, and the inability to write eligible. 

After passing my circuit exam, and getting scolded for driving out of route, I waited a long time for my road exam. When my turn finally came, my nerves got the best of me. 

Throughout the day, I was asking God to help me. To keep me calm and to help me pass, but somehow keeping calm was not an order that my brain had sent out to my body. So, when I was finally on the road I almost hit a parked police car. The driving inspector even grabbed my steering wheel, and lectured something inaudible to my clouded mind. 

I know... I know... I know... you need not say it. 

At the roundabout, the driving inspector told me to turn back (by then, I was certain I was going to fail!). But because I heard him too late, I continued down the route. He had no choice but to sit through the entire ordeal, because the mistakes did not stop there. On every junction, he kept telling me to go but I was always too slow because of fear. You see, the car I was driving then had an RPM of 1, but the car I learned on had an RPM of 2. The car would not freaking move the way I wanted it too (nor fast enough), and it was so easy to panic.

But after I got through all the junctions and hit the final stretch, I was forced to stop behind a car with my gear at 3. The inspector told me to lower the gears, and my car was not moving for a while because I had to change gears. And just like in every worst case scenario, there was a short pile up behind me. 

Yea, you would fail me too if you were my driving inspector, I'm sure. Those people in the cars piled up behind me would have thought the same too.

Throughout the entire journey, which was probably around 10 minutes, I knew I was going to fail. I was 100%  sure, that I was prepared to retake the test on another day. But even with that in mind, I asked God to do a miracle. Because ONLY a miracle would have got me out of the car with relief.

Little did I expect, when I finally returned to my starting point, the inspector mumbled something as one would when they are about to give you a chance, AND he passed me! 

Now that is a miracle! A least expected one!

Even I wouldn't pass myself and he did! You have no idea how happy I was when my hand struggled to sign the grading paper. 

There is no doubt that me passing this exam was God's work. If you are my friend, you wouldn't want me to drive you just yet, but you should be convinced that God had my back.

I can't thank God enough, and all I can do is give him a visualized hug over and over again. I still find it hard to believe that I passed, and now I'm more convinced that God is never short of miracles.

This incident is another show of God's faithfulness, love, and support for me. I'm so glad I have him in my life :) 

Thank you God! You are my hero!