God Knows...

If you haven't known by now, I'm a christian. I was born in a Christian family, but I personally accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior at around the age of 8.

They say growing up in a Christian family has its pros and cons. I personally experienced more pros, due to the fact that I've known who God is all my life and that everyday, I learn more and more about him.

I may not have experienced the miraculous turn around in which most Christians do because I grew up with God as a member of my family, but I have experienced him so much more in different ways.

Yes, to be completely honest, I sometimes grow tired of pitching up for church meetings, and sometimes choose not to be involve in church so much (but I still serve in ministries even though I get the lazy dread-like feeling, which comes and goes in different seasons of my life), but my personal relationship with God is like an old friend and a loving father, who has watched me grow up and has been teaching me ever since I was born.

It's a different kind of relationship. Compare a friend you grew up with and a friend you've just known when in high school, or in university, its different isn't it?

I'm not saying that if you're not born in a Christian family, God treats you differently, no. Everyone has a different relationship with God, and mine just feels like the childhood friend.

And having God as a childhood friend is like having a new revelation in every situation.

Yesterday I learnt that God knows how it's like being rejected and today I learnt that God knows what I want, and believe it or not, He paves the way of giving me what I want if it honors him. God loves me so much that He would do that for me!

No one can ever, or will ever, love me as much as God does. I'm so glad I have him in my life, and for all these years, he has been nothing but a blessing.

So for February 14, 2012, I would like God to be my Valentine. I may not love Him as much as He loves me, but He knows where I am.

God, thank you for being my best friend, the shoulder to cry on, my loving father and the most amazing teacher and guide in my life. I love you!

Conversation with a friend

"Are you o.k?"

"Last year till this year has been horrible," she told me.

"Why? It wasn't all that bad, I would know," I asked her in return.

"Yea, there were good times, but I've never been hurt so badly before. It hurts so much I would rather not feel anymore. I've took so long to deal with one issue, and then another, but it seems like it'll never end. There is always a reason for me to cry in bed."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so stand a little taller after this." I tried to sound convincing.

"I think it's killing me, so how can I stand when I'm so afraid he'll never love me again?"

"That's why we have God. He'll save you from getting killed. If this feels like death, then just ask Him to save you."

"I already did."

"Then let Him take care of this. Since He has already taken care and healed all the past wounds you had last year."

"I know. But I just feel so tired, and I don't wanna do anything anymore."

"Listen, the enemy is trying to take you down, don't let him do that. He makes you vulnerable every time you are about to do good and great things for God. Isn't that so freaking obvious? He is using your past and your attachment to a guy to mess you up whenever you are about to do something for God. DON'T let him win."

"But it's hard!"

"You have been through it before, it's not hard. Trust God, let Him clean up the mess for you, and don't let the enemy win. Cause if the enemy wins, you have just missed out on the great things God has planned for you."

"O.k."

"Lets stay strong alright?"

"O.k. Lets!"

Above is my conversation with a good friend, in which I have cracked the enemy's evil plan.

And as I've mentioned, the enemy loves to take you down whenever you are about to do great things for God. He finds your weakness, strikes at it hard and makes you lose hope on everything else, even though the matter is so small compared to the ones out in the world.

When the enemy strikes so hard, you know that what God is about to do in you is going to be great, so never, ever, let the enemy win. You'll be losing out on what God has installed for you.

Promise

This music video is from the film The Sorcerer and The White Snake.

The English lyrics translations I found were rather sucky, so I rearranged the words around hoping to keep the original meaning and to have it fit the song better, even though I don't speak Chinese.

*If there is a misinterpretation, let me know.

The reason why I did this is because this film was so touching and so is the song. So for me to remember it better, I should have an English version for myself.

Promise (Performed by Raymond Lam and Eva Huang)

Thousands of years I've waited to meet you,

But it takes an instant to love you,

With me our love is an adventure,

And I will risk all my life just for you.

Just your sigh can make me feel the pain,

The tears I shed for you are oh so sweet,

Though this world changes my heart will not,

The memories are eternal,

And for you, I will do everything.

Living for you is my only promise,

What else is there to fear loosing if I lost you?

Our love ain't wrong, for only happiness we seek,

Even time can never tear us apart.

Your black hair are always in my memories (Your beautiful eyes I miss)

The tears I shed for you are oh so sweet (Our love makes this world go round)

Day by day, year by year,

Though this world changes, my heart will not,

And because of you, our love will breathe again.

Living for you is my only promise,

What else is there to fear loosing if I lost you?

Our love ain't wrong, for only happiness we seek,

Even time can never tear us apart.

Living for you is my only promise (I'll wait for you forever)

What else is there to fear loosing if I lost you? (I'll wait for you forever)

Just for you, these pains I will bear (Love is not wrong)

Even time can never tear us apart.

(Now can someone do a cover in English please?)

Her Father, The King

She ran as fast as the wind could take her. As tears streamed down her cheeks, the tightness in her chest grew. It was as though the pain in her heart was making it hard for her to breathe. But she knew that once she saw him, she would feel much better. So her legs kept running as she burst into the great hall.

She stopped immediately in her tracks. Taking in the majestic beauty of the place. But when she saw her father, sitting on the throne, the young princess sprinted towards him and threw her arms around him.

Through the tears, she choked, "He lied to me. He doesn't love me, he doesn't care."

"Now, now," her father replied, as he held her tight.

But the pain did not stop. It was too painful to bear it alone.

"Everything is going to be alright. If he doesn't love you, or care about you, I do. And that is all that matters my sweet child," her father continued as he stroked her head gently.

"But I've been a bad girl," the princess quickly replied, as she knew she was not the best daughter she could have been.

"It does not matter, you will always be the apple of my eye," her father whispered, as he dried her tears and smiled.

The princess gave a weak smile as she hugged her father tighter. His big strong arms and warm body, made it so much more comforting than the cold winds that greeted her when she ran.

She was right where she belonged, and she didn't want to leave. As she closed her eyes and let her restless heart go to rest, she fell asleep, without dreams to disturb her quietened heart.

Do I really?

The highlight of last year was the publishing of my first book. Out of all the people I know, who had bought and read my book, few came back with feedback. Generally encouraging ones, I guess, as a 1st time author, its crucial.

Positively thinking, I think my 1st book was o.k. Not fantastic... but o.k. This is me giving myself some credit after all the hard work.

And with that in mind, I'm not sure when people say I actually have talent. From my official writers blog, where I write fan fiction as practice (in writing and imagination), comments have been made by people I do not know saying I have talent.

But do I really? My 1st book has been turned down by the local bookstore distributors, plus, some of my friends have no intentions of buying my book, and ignores me when I ask. Come on, do I really have talent? Or am I just so weak socially that nobody feels obligated to help me out?

I know a lot of people. And quite a number of people I call 'friend'. But when it came down to my book sales, it was my parents' friends that bought the majority of the books I have sold.

What the heck am I talking about now? Is it question of talent? Or the question of having so little real friends?

I think it is both. (And maybe because my social skills suck.)

The encouraging part of writing is when someone genuinely compliments you. I want my friends to do that, but if they don't get a copy themselves, how can they? Most of the compliments I get are from people I don't know, and to be honest, their compliments are really encouraging me to keep writing (at least fan fictions).

But the sad part is, is that these people would not buy my book. Why? Because they just like the ones I write for free. The ones I write as practice. They are skeptical in purchasing my book, as I too would be with a person I barely know.

So if someone says you have talent, but does not have the faith in you to try reading your book, is it really a compliment after all?

Seriously, all these questions are just leading me to more questions. They can never really be answered.

All I know is that once all the 850 more books, I have stored up in my room, are gone, I'm going to find a publisher. At least I don't have to count on my own social skills to entice (or force) people to support me.

As far as talent goes. I don't know. If I really have talent, shouldn't it be easier?

Ugh. It seems to me, I'm not really helping myself.

If you have read this and know the answers to my questions, do let me know. I would really love some questions answered. Thank you.