This is not a new feeling to me, I’ve felt
this way a few weeks ago and I’m feeling it again. What is this feeling? A
feeling that my life is too small.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m living a comfortable
life right now. I earn pretty well for a fresh grad (mainly cause I have a
stable freelance job on top of my day job), I have my weekends off to do
whatever I like, I have time for TV series, dramas, exercise and personal
writing, and I have nothing much to worry about.
Sure, when I first started working, I grumbled
about a lot of things. It was a big shift in life and it took time getting used
to, but now that everything has settled down, my lifestyle is easy-going. It is
safe to say I am very, very blessed.
God has been looking out for me, providing
for me, and undoubtedly blessing me with so much. He’s been so good and I’m
grateful.
But still… I feel like my life is too
small.
I’ve only been working for 6 months and I’m
already bored. I’m bored with the same old daily routine, and I just want
something bigger. I know I’m not made for a small life… I can feel it in my
bones!
I don’t want to have a 9-6 job, I want to
travel the world, share my works and inspire lives. I want to be a voice that
capture hearts and change mindsets. I probably would not have weekends off with
dramas to watch, but that is the kind of life I want.
Living a mediocre life is just too small
for me. I rather be busy and making a difference than free and bored.
Of course, I’ve already put all these
thoughts and desires before God. He knows the annoyance I feel at the lack of
big things in my life. And with that, He made a verse pop out from my ‘quick’
bible reading session last night.
Psalms 27: 14
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
The word is rather timely as the night
before, I was feeling frustrated at my small life. Reading it, I was reminded to
wait for God. He’s the author of my life and He has a perfect timing for
everything.
I guess until something big happens, I’ll
suck it up and wait for Him. After all… He knows my heart and He is in control.
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