Monday, September 2, 2013

What a feeling...

This is not a new feeling to me, I’ve felt this way a few weeks ago and I’m feeling it again. What is this feeling? A feeling that my life is too small.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m living a comfortable life right now. I earn pretty well for a fresh grad (mainly cause I have a stable freelance job on top of my day job), I have my weekends off to do whatever I like, I have time for TV series, dramas, exercise and personal writing, and I have nothing much to worry about.

Sure, when I first started working, I grumbled about a lot of things. It was a big shift in life and it took time getting used to, but now that everything has settled down, my lifestyle is easy-going. It is safe to say I am very, very blessed.

God has been looking out for me, providing for me, and undoubtedly blessing me with so much. He’s been so good and I’m grateful.

But still… I feel like my life is too small.

I’ve only been working for 6 months and I’m already bored. I’m bored with the same old daily routine, and I just want something bigger. I know I’m not made for a small life… I can feel it in my bones!

I don’t want to have a 9-6 job, I want to travel the world, share my works and inspire lives. I want to be a voice that capture hearts and change mindsets. I probably would not have weekends off with dramas to watch, but that is the kind of life I want.

Living a mediocre life is just too small for me. I rather be busy and making a difference than free and bored.

Of course, I’ve already put all these thoughts and desires before God. He knows the annoyance I feel at the lack of big things in my life. And with that, He made a verse pop out from my ‘quick’ bible reading session last night.

Psalms 27: 14
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

The word is rather timely as the night before, I was feeling frustrated at my small life. Reading it, I was reminded to wait for God. He’s the author of my life and He has a perfect timing for everything.

I guess until something big happens, I’ll suck it up and wait for Him. After all… He knows my heart and He is in control.

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